Why New Years Resolutions are Difficult

If you’re an ambitious individual always striving to improve your life, then it’s likely that you’ve set New Year’s resolutions and used this time of the year as a good opportunity to change aspects of your life, or to set new goals.

 

This is no surprise because the New Year is symbolic of new beginnings as the calendar year changes. However, you have to ask yourself – what is really different other than the year number moving forward by one? Very little is different. So, why is this such a good time to make changes? I would argue that it’s not always the best time, and that there may be more factors against us than there are supporting us.

The Holidays are a Busy and Stressful Time of The Year

 

First of all, the holidays are a very busy and overwhelming time for everyone. We are shopping, attending social functions and running many errands. We are travelling to visit family and finishing projects at work.

 

Seldom does the transition to the New Year leave us much time to focus on ourselves and our personal change efforts or goals. In fact, the New Year may leave many people feeling exhausted, especially if one has over-indulged in rich foods!

 

By the time everyone rolls back to work in the New Year, our corporations and supervisors have a new set of goals that they want everyone to attend to. This can be stressful in and of itself given that our energy levels may not be at their peak.

New Year’s Resolutions Are Often Too Big

 

With the New Year, most people’s resolutions are usually something ‘big’, daunting or overwhelming in nature. For instance, so many people (usually women) talk about losing 50 pounds, quitting smoking, switching jobs, or going back to school for further training.

 

These types of large goals can create a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve and perform in a certain way, and the expectation is that we begin January 1^st and that we hope to be successful. These types of goals and changes however are very scary to our brains.

 

New Year’s Resolutions Scare Our Brain and Create Fear

 

Sometimes our New Years resolutions activate the fear/threat system in our brains. This is in part referred to as the fight-flight syndrome, where all the blood in our bodies moves away from our cerebral cortex and into our muscles so that we are poised to run away from our predators. What happens is that we end up avoiding taking our goals seriously because they feel too daunting, or they create too much pressure for us.

Small Steps Can Be Implemented At Any Time Of The Year!

 

What’s the solution then? Start breaking these New Year’s resolutions into smaller goals and concrete steps that you can begin taking today instead of waiting for the arbitrary New Year. Small steps are something that you can work into your schedule at any time and they are much less intimidating.

 

Statistically, New Years Resolutions Have Been Shown to Not Be Very Successful 

 

After all, if your goal is so important, then whey would you wait until the New Year to begin it? Another interesting point is that studies indicate that if a person is trying to change a habit, they will set a New Year’s resolution 10 times before they actually succeed! What does this mean? Start your change efforts today, because you are likely going to need some practice at making this change.

 

With small changes and new habits that we carry out daily, we train and shape the neural pathways in our brains to grow with our new habits and changes that our goals require. Neural pathways begin to support our new behaviours and attitudes and we are more likely to succeed in the long run

Bring in The New Year with  New Appreciation for What You Have Accomplished

 

You might find it helpful to conduct a personal improvement review on yourself, something that you might want to do every quarter of the year, or as often as you desire.  In addition, be sure to start and evolving achievements binder where you can capture all the goals that you think about as the New Year approaches.  An evolving achievements binder is easy to manage, and it’s an inspiring way to keep  yourself on track as the New Year progresses.

 

Start Setting Your Goals Now for 2012!

If you haven’t tried my goal setting and motivation program yet, be sure to book mark this page and come back to get started

Simplify Your Life Using Kaizen

What is the concept of Kaizen about, and how can it be used to simplify your life? Kaizen is a Japanese term that means continuously looking for small ways to make improvements.

 

When most people consider simplifying their lives, they might think of making big or drastic changes such as selling their car, working from home or even something as extreme such as selling all their belongings.

 

To simplify your life using Kaizen means to ask yourself questions such as, “What is one small change I can make in my life that will simplify it?”  There is a lot of value in taking small, baby steps, – one at a time.

 

Also, examine some of the assumptions that you hold about simplifying your life. For instance, I recently had decided that I wanted to simplify all the technology gadgets and packages that I was paying for with respect to my phone and internet.

 

I had been complaining to myself that my Bell Mobility phone bill was too much as I was paying anywhere from $80 to $100 despite having a package that was only suppose to cost me around $40 per month. In addition, my roommate had recently introduced me to the Magic Jack, a phone line run through the computer that costs only $20 per year for unlimited local and long distance calls in North America. Obviously, I purchased this package, as it was a steal of a deal.

 

Afterwards though, I realized that I no longer needed a few of the long distance options offered through my blackberry cell phone. I had an assumption though, that there was no more wiggle room to move the price down because I knew that I already had a basic package. When I reminded myself to put my assumptions aside, and to ask myself how I could possibly make one small change, I finally got myself to phone the company and find out the facts about what packages were more suitable. In the mean time I realized that I never really used email on my blackberry, and that when I did check my email, I would simply read others’ emails and the completely forget to write back. As a result, one simplification or improvement was to do away with these two options of long distance and email.

 

As a result of this simple realization, I called Bell to see what packages were available without data plans and long distance. So, not only did I give up my long distance options (due to my new magic jack) but I was also able to give up my email data plan, and all of this brought the price of my monthly cell phone bill down to only $25 per month! This is such a simple concept; however, it only became a realization after continuing to ask myself how I could simplify things further.

 

The reason I shared this basic example is because Kaizen is all about looking for the smallest changes, changes that seem first hand to be insignificant or inconsequential. Imagine if you became simplifying your life by each week or month looking for one other thing that you could simplify in your life. What would happen? Don’t just assume that there is nothing left to simply. Keep asking yourself the question. Try posting the question on your refridgerator or a mirror to remind yourself of this question.

The Best Personal Development Websites

Best Personal Development Websites

Steve Pavlina – www.stevepavlina.com – Amazing personal development on virtually any topic ranging from productivity to money making, right through to spirituality and consciousness. This professional blogger’s website now brings in over 40k per month from his website, last I checked!  He is very autonomous in his thinking, and says what he thinks. If you’re looking for someone is slightly unconventional and super successful, you’ll love his blog!

Life Hacker – www.lifehacker.com - This blog discusses personal productivity and software, and offers suggestions on how to work smarter as opposed to harder. I’ve found some great articles here in the past, and they actually do a lot of research as well.

 

Best Career Websites

Mindtools – www.mindtools.com – This website is great for anyone looking to improve their career and life skills. There is no shortage of information

QuintCareers – www.quintcareers.com - The king of career content and career advice – what don’t they have? The quality of their advice is very good as well. They’ve been at this forever…

Best Law of Attraction Websites

Don’t shy away from this concept – the law of attraction sounds fancy and far-fetched, however it’s just another creative way of discussing success from a different angle. Here are some great websites to learn more while having fun at the same time.

Good Vibe Blog – www.goodvibeblog.com – I love reading Jeanette’s fresh and fun articles on this topic. She makes me think about success from different angles and I find it refreshing and motivating! This is definitely a niche she enjoys pursuing.

Michael Losier’s The Law of Attraction - http://www.lawofattractionbook.com/ I went to one of Michael Losier’s seminars several years ago and bought his book. He has some really great ideas around the law of attraction, and it he’s very inspiring when he shares his own stories as well. His seminars are so well organized along with the exercises that you do as well. That aside, his website is a fantastic resource as well with good ideas, so be sure to check it out also.

 

Best Small Business and Entrepreneurial Websites

Ali Brown – www.alibrown.com – Ali Brown is the voice for women’s entrepreneurial success. She is a multimillionaire who’s been featured on television and radio, and she has amazing products and services to offer. I’ve met women in her mastermind clubs and they rave about their experiences.

Business Balls – www.businessballs.com – This website has an insane amount of useful information that is related to business, careers, life learning, training materials for entrepreneurs, organizations, self-development and so much more. Be sure to check out this website.

Best Infopreneur Websites

The King of Content – Fred Gleeck – http://www.fredgleeck.com – If you’re an infopreneur in the making, then this website will provide you with tons of great advice and resources.

Elance – The Outsourcing Saviour! – www.elance.com – This is a great website for entrepreneurs and small business owners who are looking to put together a great team of people to help them with their projects. Whether you need a product developer, manufacturer, writer, designer and so forth – you will find it here, and often times for a great deal! I’ve hired people here to help with various projects to meet deadlines or to do menial work that wasn’t aligned with my strengths. Find someone who is good and stick with them.

Dan Poynter – Self-Publishing – www.parapublishing.com - If you want to self-publish your books or understand the publishing industry then Dan is your man! I’ve been to his seminars twice, once in Edmonton, Alberta and another time in London Ontario. After attending his second seminar I doubled the length of my first book within a month – no joke! There is so much you can learn from him. He’s published hundreds of books himself. I also attended a Dinner with Dan even – and he’ll give you personalized information on your book project, and you’ll also meet other people who have the same goals as you. I have two of his books – and they are all packed with hundreds and hundreds of resources.

How to Become a Motivational Speaker

from wikiHow – The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Are you an engaging speaker who has had many interesting, rewarding experiences? Motivate yourself to motivate others and get paid for doing so.

Steps

1. Evaluate your “special” message. Consider what it is that you have to say that would be of value to others. Have you experienced great adversity, or received some special education? In order to succeed as a motivational speaker, your message must be connected to the needs and aspirations of your audience.
2. Carve out your niche. Motivational speaking is, in many ways, a product that must be sold. Why should someone pay to hear you impart your message? Be able to articulate your unique experiences and show exactly how your message can benefit your listeners.
3. Create an outline of your presentation. This will be used not only to provide a framework for your talk but also as a marketing piece for potential clients. Furthermore, many people are visual learners and can gain more from a visual representation than a spoken one.
4. Contact large, not-for-profit corporations and professional groups and make it clear you are available. While there is nothing wrong with directly asking for a gig, announcing your availability will let them feel privileged to work with you.
5. Contact speakers’ bureaus and notify them of your availability. Some speakers’ bureaus charge you to list your services, others charge nothing. Most bureaus take a percentage for acting as your agent. Search for “speakers’ bureaus” on the Internet. Also make sure your marketing material is “bureau friendly”. You can do this by removing your contact information and website URL from all marketing material. This ensures that when they send your information to prospective clients they keep the integrity of the working relationship.
6. You must be willing to work for free to get your name out. Once others hear your interesting story or experience, they may want to hire you. Inform everyone you know that you are available for organizations who want a good motivational speaker. Volunteer to speak at service clubs in your area.
7. Write and publish articles or books in order to establish yourself as an authority in your subject. You do not need to publish a book people will find in the local bookstore. Post to websites like wikiHow and submit to on-line magazines and blogs.
8. Draw up a written agreement, or contract, for all engagements. The written agreement should contain, among other matters, how the fees will be paid (e.g., cash, check, over time), how long you are expected to speak, whether you will be reimbursed for travel expenses, and the time and date. This will help to avoid any disputes at a later time.
9. Always ask for feedback after every presentation even if you feel confident that you have nailed it. Whether you prefer that the audience fill-up a standard form or just ask them to drop you a note at a fishbowl on a side table, chances are good that you will be a better motivational speaker if you develop this habit. Positive feedback will inspire you while negative feedback will make you aspire to do better. After all, FEEDBACK is indeed the breakfast of champions.

Tips

• Join a local Toastmasters Club. You will learn and practice everything you need to know when presenting a Motivational Speech, as well as any other type of speech.
• Proceed through a speaker certification class like the one offered through Blue Star Business Institute. Those kinds of classes pick up where Toastmasters leaves off. They teach you how to actually solidify your talk and seek out paid speaking engagements.
• Dress consistent with the perception you wish to convey. If you want to convey professionalism and success, business attire is probably best. Some motivational speakers use clothing to make a point in their presentation.
• Speak clearly and repeat your main messages at least three times.
• Keep it fun and lively. Audience participation is a great way for adults to learn, and you can do this in any number of ways. For example, one speaker handed out raisins and slowly took the audience through the life of that raisin and all that had to happen for that raisin to be in their hands. This kind of activity makes the audience feel part of the speech and facilitates learning. Remember that any activities must be relevant to the topic you are speaking on.
• Avoid using filler words like: um, uh, eh, etc. Also, try not to have an awkward pause fill your speech because you forgot what to say. This drastically decreases the power of your speech. No matter what anyone tells you, people WILL remember that pause. However, don’t get nervous because of this fact. Be confident and well rehearsed.
• Keep current business cards and contact information with you at all times. A chance encounter can lead to a speaking engagement. For example, one speaker landed a job after passing a business card to a woman he met while waiting in line to order a pizza. Free and low cost business cards are available from VistaPrint.

Warnings

• If you forget what to say or begin to get nervous in front of a large crowd, stop, take a deep breath, and speak from the heart. Your audience will be happy to hear your honest experiences.
• One of the best ways to overcome nervousness is to focus on how you can serve your audience instead of worrying about what they are thinking about you.
• It’s much more than just telling about your experiences. It’s about telling your experience in a way to relate to those your are speaking to.

Sources and Citations

• eHow to Deliver a Speech
• eHow to Gesture During a Speech
• eHow to Set the Style for a Speech
• eHow to Use Visual Aids During a Speech
• http://www.toastmasters.org/
• http://www.speech-topics-help.com/motivational-speech-topics.htm

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Become a Motivational Speaker. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Elementary Goal Setting

There are plenty of activities for elementary goal setting that can inspire children and teens to work toward their dreams and goals.  The key is keeping the goal setting activities fun. Here are some easy and practical ideas below.

 

The Dream Book!

The most classic elementary goal setting exercise is the dream book, which is really nothing more than a scrap book that serves to capture their goals. Help your child to find inspiring pictures that symbolize their goals, dreams and wishes, and then cut them out and place them in the scrap book. Other great sources include old holiday catalogues, newspapers and even old picture books that they no longer read. You could also find images online from Google or a place such as www.dreamstime.com which might have pictures that symbolize your child’s goals.

 

The Dream Board!

Just as you’ve heard about vision boards for adults, you can also use it for elementary goal setting as well. To help your child create their dream board, purchase a bulletin board, and then have your child cut out pictures that symbolize what they want to do, be and have in their life. A lot of people might prefer the dream board over the dream book, because then your child will constantly be reminded of their dreams and goals. The problem with scrapbooks is that they are often tucked away into a drawer that sometimes doesn’t get opened in a very long time.

 

The Dream Planner

Another option for brainstorming and planning out goals is the use of a whiteboard or chalkboard! Try using dry erase markers that are easily wiped off. This method of using the white board and chalk board is best for children in the higher grades as they are further along in their cognitive development and might choose to write their goals in sentences as well as write out their own to-do lists. It’s a great way for them to get in the habit of planning actions for the dreams and goals.

 

The Dream Card

Have your child or student pick out an appealing greeting card from your local store. Inside that card, they can write out all their goals, or again, the actions steps for a particular goal. They can display this card on their night table, desk, or even post it on their bulletin board. Whenever you have a spare minute, read through your goals and action steps.

 

Goals Present Tense

Why write your goals in the present tense? There are a few key benefits and reasons why people write their goals in the present tense.

 

1. First, the statement becomes more believable, because you are adding in the pronoun “I”.  This creates a sense of personal ownership each time you read your goal aloud and it starts to feel more and more real, and believable to you. The more you believe in your goal, the more action steps you’ll take to turn your goal into reality.

 

2. A second reason for writing our goals in the present tense is because our brain doesn’t recognize the differences in tenses of past, present and future. It responds best and immediately to messages of the present, right now. For instance, if you state, “I will raise a happy, healthy and cohesive family that loves each other”, compare that to saying, “I am in the process of raising a happy, healthy and cohesive family that loves each other.” Which statement feels better and more active?  The “I am in the process” is a great technique that Michael Losier teaches in his Law of Attraction seminars.

 

3. A third reason or benefit of writing goals in the present tense is that when you read these goals you end up with an image or visual picture of your goal. The subconscious brain works best and is motivated very well by pictures. This is why we are constantly being told to create a vision board. Be sure to read my tips on how you can easily visualize your goals. I believe that using pictures of your goals is even more important than writing down your goals. However, you can experiment for yourself to see what works best for you.

 

In Addition to Writing Your Goals Down in Present Tense…

 

There are other rules on how to write down your goals, and there are other teachings such as the SMART acronym that you can follow, however, it is important that you realize that the how behind achieving goals is not heavily rooted on how you write your goals down. There are much more important things to keep in mind.

 

For instance – ask successful people what they attribute their goal to – is it because they wrote every single one of their goals down in the present tense? No.  Ask someone why they failed to achieve one of their life goals. Do you think it could be traced back to failure of how they wrote down their goal? Highly unlikely, as there are many more important things that a person needs to focus on in order to achieve their life goals.

 

So what are some of these important items you ask? For starters, do you have goals that empower you and excite you so much that you’ll get up at 6am to work on them? Knowing who you are and which goals are best aligned with you is one of the most important things to consider in achieving your goals.  Big goals are rarely accomplished based on discipline, but rather they are accomplished out of a person’s passion to get started.

 

If you haven’t completed the goal-setting program online, give a shot right now! Click below to get started on the step(s) in which you need the most assistance!

How to Overcome the Post-Achievement Blues

Have you ever achieved a really important life goal, and then shortly after felt a little bit down or as though you had ‘the post-achievement blues’?

 

There is a good chance that the pursuit of your last goal was giving you a lot of satisfaction at the time. Often we believe that we will feel on top of our worlds after our goal is achieved, but truly, we enjoy ourselves the most during the journey!

 

Now that your previous goal setting and achievement journey has completed itself, you might be left with a feeling of nothingness, emptiness or as I sometimes call it – the post-achievement blues.  Hopefully you haven’t fallen prey to the dangers of goal setting, which in part can contribute to the post-achievement blues.

 

Make your new goal to find a few good ways to enjoy yourself in the present, which means now! This can be your new challenge – the new thing that you can achieve.

 

Here are seven simple solutions to dealing with your post-achievement blues and to finding a way to help yourself enjoy the present now.

 

• Get yourself around family and friends – During the achievement of your last big goal, there is a good chance that you weren’t able to spend a lot of time with your family and friends. There is no better time to reconnect with them then now. They will remind you of what’s most important in life, and just being around family that you are close with will help you overcome those post-achievement blues. Friends and family always bring you back down to earth and have a way of grounding you in a positive way.

 

• Take a vacation. Try escaping for a change of scenery. Go away for a day, weekend or even an entire week to refresh your mindset and to give yourself a different focus. This will force you to not think about your previous goals or future goals, but will help you to enjoy the present and to de-stress. Also, finding sources of renewal such as this is key to ensuring you come back to your future work with more energy, clarity and creativity.

 

• Lose yourself in a fun activity.  Choose a fun activity to engage in that has traditionally brought you a lot of joy and satisfaction. Even if you don’t feel like you’re in the mood, once you begin the activity you might feel different.

 

• Set goals for the other areas of your life that you might have neglected. For some individuals, it’s possible that their post-achievement blues has to do with the fact that they’ve invested all their energy into just one goal or area of their life. If this is you, now is the time to start thinking about setting goals in other important areas of your life such as your relationships, health, leisure and so forth. Try the goal setting program here to get started.

 

• Engage in one of life’s simple pleasures. What are the simple things that you enjoy in life but haven’t done in awhile? When was the last time you enjoyed an ice cream cone on a beach or walked a dog? When was the last time you sat on your porch with a coffee? How about going for a walk with no destination in mind, or listening to your favourite music at home?

 

• Find something very small to accomplish such as cleaning out a room in your home, or organizing your office.  Part of the post-achievement blues has to do with the fact that achieving things is gratifying. When you accomplish something you experience a release of dopamine, the feel-good chemical. Once you complete a big accomplishment and suddenly have nothing to achieve or accomplish it can be a let down because you aren’t releasing dopamine in the same amount or in the same pattern as you had been previously.

 

• Last but not least, talk to a professional counsellor if your post-achievement blues persist for too long a period of time or if you just don’t feel like yourself.

Personal Goal Setting – How to Succeed

To be successful at personal goal setting requires that you know who you are and what you want. Do you have a personal vision or mission statement? Have you ever brainstormed your goals to know what is really important to you?

The most successful women ensure that they find a way to capture and keep track of all their big goals. Their personal goal setting is often driven by their passion for journalling, and simply choosing to invest in themselves, period!

 

Personal goal setting involves more than knowing how to instantly motivate yourself. Instant motivation might work short-term, but you also need to know how to change your limiting beliefs and behaviours for success to be possible in the long term.

 

Women who succeed in their personal goal setting have learned to harness the power of many other great tools such as visualization techniques, the law of attraction and effective time management, including how to beat procrastination

 

To truly go far with your personal goal setting, it’s imperative that you give yourself your own personal goal setting performance review, so that you know what you’ve improved and what needs more work!

 

 

Last but not least, successful women achieve their goals by learning how to increase their confidence, which helps them stay persistent over the long run. In addition, they are aware of how they will overcome the barriers that they inevitably run into.

 

So, do you have what it takes to succeed with your personal goal setting efforts? If you are just getting started, then be sure to start the personal goal setting and motivation program now

Create Time to do what you Value

Do you create time to do what you value? Do you find yourself waking up most mornings and not looking forward to your day?  Do you wakeup and ask yourself, Why do I have to do this today? If you have answered yes to this question, you are like many other people.  We live in a world that is full of things we feel we should be doing.  Or even worse, we feel that we have no choice and that we have to be doing these things.

 

We have the power to choose what we want our lives to be filled with.  It is critical to remind yourself that all things you are spending your time on are decisions that you chose.  No one truly forces you into your unique situation. Whether your decisions occur consciously or as an automatic response to your previous habits, you are still responsible for making your decisions.  You are responsible for the rules and beliefs held in your own brain.   That is not to say that other people don’t influence your decisions and thoughts, because I will admit that people do influence others’ decisions.  What is helpful to remember is that you are ultimately the only one who is in control of your decisions, and you are the one that lives with the consequences of your decisions.  Not others.

 

In my experience, I have always found it helpful to leave open a small portion of time in my schedule to do the things that are important to me.  There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning and thinking of all of the things you have to attend to, but sometimes aren’t interested in doing.  I love Eddie Cantor’s saying:

 

What’s the use of running when we are on the wrong road? There’s a big difference between being busy and being fulfilled. Eddie Cantor makes my point clear – Slow down and enjoy life.  It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

 

The point here is that when you are always busy and tied up to your regular scheduled routines, you have no time to step back, reflect and evaluate what’s actually going on in your life.  Sometimes people get so caught up in their regular routines that they miss out on, or forget about the potentially meaningful opportunities in life, and fail to recognize their other talents, desires or callings.  When we create a little bit of extra time for ourselves, we honour a space in which we can make more conscious and effective life choices, which consequently empower us and give our lives more vitality.

 

Decide today that you will not over commit yourself to a  schedule that is jammed packed with “shoulds” or activities that you feel pressured to participate in.  I think that over-commiting ourselves can be one of our biggest stressor. Decide today that you will not be in such a rush to get to your destination.

 

There’s a famous quote that says, Life is a journey, not a destination. Slow down and learn how to enjoy life along the way!  Realize that you will always be trying to achieve something, finishing a project, putting out a fire, or attempting to make a life transition. Life will always present circumstances to keep you busy, distracted or occupied with important things. Do not be in the habit of putting your passions off until ‘tomorrow’.   Ultimately, tomorrow is today!

 

Perhaps you are already busy with meaningful endeavours, but you never take a break. Be careful to not get stuck in the vicious cycle of achieving one destination and then immediately running for the next. Take time to learn how to enjoy your achievements.  Do you work or run a business so that you can ‘get by’ and live, or, do you live to enjoy the process of the beautiful moments of your work?  If you are a workaholic now and want to slow down your pace of life, it is possible.  It’s not easy, but it is possible.  The best way to get started is to take baby steps.  You have to understand that overworking and over-committing is a learned habit. We must learn to question why we do the things we do. Are we doing them out of guilt, pressure or prestige? Are we doing it not because we like it, but because we just want the credential for it?  Or do we like what we’re doing but we are spending too much time on it?

 

How do you know if you’ve over-commited to something?  The answer is simple.  You always find yourself wishing you were somewhere else instead of where you actually are.  You wonder why you joined what you joined.  You wonder why you are doing it all.  Perhaps you did not leave yourself enough time to make a good decision, and instead immediately jumped into something spontaneously.

 

Be very careful in your decision to commit to something. that will take up a considerable portion of your time. When you are thinking of taking on more work, joining a club, organization or are planning to register for a course, think your decision over carefully in the beginning.  Examine your  reasoning behind your decision.  Is this really what you want to do?  Is this activity going to bring you closer to your goals?  Will this make you happy?  Who’s idea was it for you to engage in this anyways?  Was it your own or someone elses idea?  A lot of time people make commitments because they think they ought to. They are constantly concerned with peoples’ judgments around them.  A person takes on a new project at work thinking about how it will boost her resume, which will land her a higher-paying position within her company. Just thinking about carrying out the tasks makes her feel sluggish and de-energized. One must ask one’s self what alternative, creative options are available that would be a more efficient means of achieving his or her end goal.

 

Don’t engage or participate in things simply because you think you should. Your passion will never be unleashed because your energy or vibrational level will be too low.  Instead, engage yourself into activities that inspire you and would hold you enthusiastic!  Many times we find ourselves committing to things for other people’s sakes, and not our own.  We do things to make other people happy and forget our own needs and wants.

 

What will happen if we don’t regularly incorporate this special time into our schedules, whether it be time to pursue our passions and desires, time to reflect and explore new opportunities, time to relax, or just plain and simple quiet time? The answer to that question is that we might develop a sense of unworthiness.  When we do not schedule time for ourselves we are unconsciously telling ourselves that we are not worth it.  We are not worthy enough to do what we want to do.  This will result in low self-esteem and lead us into the cycle of not believing in ourselves.  When we don’t believe in ourselves we end up following the mainstream footsteps of society and engage in a way of life that is already designed for us.

 

There is a saying, Design your life before the circumstances of life design it for you. Let this idea be something you ponder when you make decisions with how you want to spend your time.

 

Reflective Questions – Create Time to do what you Value:

1.      How can I give myself permission to create the time and space needed for self-reflection and/or the pursuit of   meaningful endeavours?

 

2.      What do I always wish I could give myself time for?

 

3.      What do I admire about how other people spend their time, and how could I incorporate something similar into my own lifestyle?

 

4.      When I consider the possibilities for how I might use my extra time, which uses of time will I immediately look back on and regret? Which uses of time will I look back on and not regret, but be proud of for giving myself permission to use my time in that way?

 

5.      What limiting beliefs or rules stand in my way of giving myself permission to spend more time doing what I value?

 

6.      If my morals stand in my way, how can I be moral and still give myself the time that I need?

 

7.      Am I worried about what others might think regarding how I want to spend my time? If so, how can I overcome other peoples’ judgments regarding the way(s) that I desire to use my time?

 

8.      What excuses, reasons or justifications do I use to prevent myself from having time to focus on what is important to me? Although these reasons are all ‘valid’, you must realize that they still prevent you from being able to spend your time in your own personal way.

 

9.      In what ways do I conform to social norms when it comes to how I spend my time? Which of these are truly necessary?

 

10.  How will I raise my standards when it comes to freeing up more time?

 

11.  What things do I want to enjoy and have time for in my life,  but am avoiding taking responsibility for?

 

12.  In terms of how I spend my time, which habits in my life have I absolutely got to get rid of?

 

13.  Which patterns of my time use drain my energy?

 

14.  What is out of balance with respect to how I spend my time?

 

15.  Which decisions have I been putting off regarding how I am spending my time?

 

16.  How does thinking in ‘black or white’ or ‘all or nothing’ prevent me from taking time out for myself?

 

17.  How do I want to design my life?

 

18.  What could I do or focus on during this extra time that would give me momentum and a forward moving feeling in life?

 

19.  What things or activities am I currently pursuing or participating in that I don’t feel good about?

 

20.  Are there any particular people whom I constantly give my time away to, or spend too much time with when I don’t want to?

 

21.  How can I raise my standards or expectations about how I use my time?

 

22.   If I can give myself this needed time, how will this produce a positive domino-effect on the other areas of my life?

 

23.  Who will I be a great role model to, if I start using my time in this purposeful way?

 

24.  Who will admire me for what I accomplish or do with this time?

 

25.  How might valuing my time in this particular way change my life forever, in a positive way?

Limiting Beliefs

How do the following limiting beliefs prevent you from achieving your goal? The following are known as Cognitive Distortions from Dr. David Burns. These are some of the common ways in which we limit ourselves.

Identify one of your goals or areas of life that you are struggling with currently.  What is holding you back from achieving the results you want? Now, take that answer, and see if it is in fact a type of limiting belief or cognitive distortion below.

 

1. All-or-nothing thinking

• Black and white thinking
• Operating from extreme opposite ends of the pole

 

2. (a) Magnification

• blowing something out of proportion
• focusing too much on a negative aspect
• narrow perspective

 

2. (b) Minimization

• brush something off as “no big deal”
• give something too little focus
• think that a task can be “put off” to a future time

 

3. (a) Labelling

• Assigning a negative label, term or name to yourself based on something you did or did not do. It is a way of overgeneralizing some event or occurrence.

(b) Mislabelling

• Mislabelling: Using a highly charged label to describe yourself; and the label does not even describe objective description.

 

4. Should Statements

• What you tell yourself that you “ought” to do
• Trying to follow someone else’s values, ideals or hopes for you

 

5. Personalization

• Taking responsibility for something that has nothing to do with you
• Assigning fault to yourself for something that is not your responsibility

 

6. Jumping to Conclusions: interpreting something negatively without rational evidence.

(a) Mind reading: You think you can read another person’s mind, and you believe that this person’s reaction to you is both personal and negative.

(b) Fortune Telling: You have a feeling of certainty that things will turn out negatively. You treat this   feeling as a fact even though it has not even happened.

 

7.  Mental Filter

• Filter your thoughts and focus to only see the negative in something.

 

8.  Disqualifying the Positive

• Ignore and deny anything positive about the situation or yourself.

 

9.  Emotional Reasoning

• You let your feelings determine what your reality is. If you feel bad about something, than the situation must be bad.

 

10.  Overgeneralization

• Taking the meaning you subscribed to one scenario and applying this meaning to all similar scenarios or even different scenarios.

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