Do You Celebrate Your Accomplishments?
Do you celebrate your accomplishments? The year 2011 is about to wrap itself up and bring us into 2012. As the New Year approaches, everyone is thinking about setting their New Year resolutions and goals, however how many people are acknowledging what went well in 2011? Furthermore, how many people are going to celebrate their accomplishments from the year?
The truth is, celebrating one’s accomplishments or achievements is something that should be done regularly, not just at the end of a year.
Some people don’t like the word and connotation of the word “celebrate”. They’ll tell me that they don’t need to celebrate their goals and milestones they’ve reached. It feels to them as if their accomplishments should be a ‘given’, meaning that everyone is achieving or doing what they are doing.
The Meaning of Celebrations
Celebration means many different things including:
- Recognition
- Acknowledgement
- Rewards
- Receiving others’ congratulations
- Integration
- Symbolism
- Pausing to reflect
- Giving yourself a pat on the back
- Meaning making
Benefits of Celebrating, Acknowledging and Rewarding Your Accomplishments
Celebrating what we have achieved is a great way to integrate our accomplishment into our psyche, life, and/or career to derive and construct new meanings on how our life could now be different as a result of this milestone that we have achieved. What have you learned from this accomplishment about yourself and your life? What will be different now?
As an example, I once had a client who had recently completed her Master’s degree. I was ecstatic for her, and even more so because I can relate to her accomplishment since I too have completed a Master’s degree. I asked her if she planned to celebrate this accomplishment in any way. She proceeded to tell me that she didn’t need to reward herself, because getting a Master’s degree was so common these days.
I was actually more interested in how the achievement of her master’s degree could change her career. I asked her what she wanted to be different in her life as a result of having earned her Master’s degree. I wanted to know also how others’ perceptions of her and her abilities might be different. Also, would her own expectations for her career now change? What would now be different in her life? What new meaning would she create in her life as a result of this achievement? This really got her thinking. She had never really thought that much about it.
Celebrating your accomplishments, or acknowledging them, or rewarding yourself for what you’ve achieved helps you to pause, reflect, and take time to relish what you’ve accomplished, and how your life might be different as a result. What does your achievement say about you? What is it symbolic of in your life and representing for you?
Others find it very important to reward themselves for their accomplishments. After all, if it was so important to achieve, why wouldn’t we acknowledge and reward the fact that we were able to follow through with our goal? By rewarding yourself, you will learn to associate joy, fun and positivity with your accomplishments, and this will make it that much more enjoyable in the long run to achieve your big goals.
On the other hand, when you keep racing onto your next accomplishment you risk burnout, and your creativity and energy will lag behind. You will notice yourself enjoying the process of working towards your goals, less and less. There is a well known quote by Arthur Ashe, “Success is a journey, not a destination”. The message is that we need to enjoy our lives as we work toward the achievement of our goals and success. Enjoying ourselves during the process and at the conclusion of our achievements is important.
Ask yourself, what is your own unique way of celebrating, acknowledging and/or rewarding your own accomplishments? For some it might be to go out and party, and for others it might be go on a trip. Yet for others it might be giving themselves an entire evening to read a fiction book. It’s different for everyone, and it also depends for some on the size or significance of their accomplishments.
Symbolic Ways to Celebrate Our Goals
- Framing a degree, diploma or certificate and posting it somewhere in sight
- Taking pictures of our celebrations
- Making an announcement such as when people announce an engagement for example
- Buying a memorable gift that reflects an achievement, e.g., a clock or bracelet engraved with a message
- Giving yourself a gift as a reward, e.g., that new pair of designer shoes that you’ve have your eyes on for awhile now
Experiential Ways to Celebrate
- Going on a trip and travelling somewhere
- Getting a massage, manicure or new hairstyle
- Have a party
- Going out for a nice dinner with friends and family
- Taking a day off from all your chores and busy work so that you can do ‘nothing’
These of course are just a few ways that you can celebrate or acknowledge the accomplishment of your goals. So, do you celebrate your accomplishments? What do you do for yourself when you have completed a major milestone or goal? How do you acknowledge it? I’d love to hear from you!
Are You Ready To Set Your New Year’s Goals?
How is one supposed to get ready to set their New Year’s goals? Why must one get ready? First of all, we all know from experience that achieving our New Year’s goals and resolutions can be very challenging. Read here to learn more about why New Year’s goals and resolutions are difficult to achieve.
But, before you begin setting your goals and intentions for the New Year, you might really benefit by first taking stock of what you have achieved this year. What accomplishments are you proud of? What needs recognition? Have you acknowledged all the smaller efforts and steps forward that you have taken? If you haven’t taken this step you will benefit from completing a personal improvement review.
Completing a personal improvement review is a rewarding way to gain closure on 2011 and it is an excellent way to help increase your confidence for the New Year. It is also a symbolic way of acknowledging that your accomplishments are important because you are actively investing in yourself and taking the time to grow and develop.
Before you start your New Year’s Resolutions for 2012, be sure to follow my goal setting program which includes seven steps that will drastically increase your chances of not only setting New Year’s goals but also ensuring that you actually follow through with your goals.
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Complete the online goal setting program for 2012!
Step 1: Explore what goals and intentions are the most meaningful to you at this point in time. What you wanted to achieve or create last year might not be as important to you this year. Don’t skip this step of brainstroming your goals.
If you haven’t already started an evolving achievement binder and learned how to manage your evolving acheivements binder you’ll want to read further on this because it’s an excellent way to organize your goals for any time of the year.
Step 2: Once you’ve brainstormed your goals take the necessary time to prioritize which goals are the most important and aligned with your current values.
Step 3: Writing your goals down formally and placing them somewhere you can be reminded of them every is important. This will help to keep you focused.
Step 4: Get clear on the benefits that you will reap as a result of achieving these goals. How will your life be better off as a result of moving closer to this accomplishment?
Step 5: Increase your negative motivation and gain clarity on the negative consequencs that you will experience if you don’t work towards achieving your goals.
Step 6: Identify what your limiting beliefs are so that you change them into more constructive ways of thinking.
Step 7: Gain clarity on what behaviours and habits are holding you back so that you can find alternative behaviours that will help propel you into further action with your goals.
Why New Years Resolutions are Difficult
If you’re an ambitious individual always striving to improve your life, then it’s likely that you’ve set New Year’s resolutions and used this time of the year as a good opportunity to change aspects of your life, or to set new goals.
This is no surprise because the New Year is symbolic of new beginnings as the calendar year changes. However, you have to ask yourself – what is really different other than the year number moving forward by one? Very little is different. So, why is this such a good time to make changes? I would argue that it’s not always the best time, and that there may be more factors against us than there are supporting us.
The Holidays are a Busy and Stressful Time of The Year
First of all, the holidays are a very busy and overwhelming time for everyone. We are shopping, attending social functions and running many errands. We are travelling to visit family and finishing projects at work.
Seldom does the transition to the New Year leave us much time to focus on ourselves and our personal change efforts or goals. In fact, the New Year may leave many people feeling exhausted, especially if one has over-indulged in rich foods!
By the time everyone rolls back to work in the New Year, our corporations and supervisors have a new set of goals that they want everyone to attend to. This can be stressful in and of itself given that our energy levels may not be at their peak.
New Year’s Resolutions Are Often Too Big
With the New Year, most people’s resolutions are usually something ‘big’, daunting or overwhelming in nature. For instance, so many people (usually women) talk about losing 50 pounds, quitting smoking, switching jobs, or going back to school for further training.
These types of large goals can create a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve and perform in a certain way, and the expectation is that we begin January 1st and that we hope to be successful. These types of goals and changes however are very scary to our brains.
New Year’s Resolutions Scare Our Brain and Create Fear
Sometimes our New Years resolutions activate the fear/threat system in our brains. This is in part referred to as the fight-flight syndrome, where all the blood in our bodies moves away from our cerebral cortex and into our muscles so that we are poised to run away from our predators. What happens is that we end up avoiding taking our goals seriously because they feel too daunting, or they create too much pressure for us.
Small Steps Can Be Implemented At Any Time Of The Year!
What’s the solution then? Start breaking these New Year’s resolutions into smaller goals and concrete steps that you can begin taking today instead of waiting for the arbitrary New Year. Small steps are something that you can work into your schedule at any time and they are much less intimidating.
Statistically, New Years Resolutions Have Been Shown to Not Be Very Successful
After all, if your goal is so important, then whey would you wait until the New Year to begin it? Another interesting point is that studies indicate that if a person is trying to change a habit, they will set a New Year’s resolution 10 times before they actually succeed! What does this mean? Start your change efforts today, because you are likely going to need some practice at making this change.
With small changes and new habits that we carry out daily, we train and shape the neural pathways in our brains to grow with our new habits and changes that our goals require. Neural pathways begin to support our new behaviours and attitudes and we are more likely to succeed in the long run
Bring in The New Year with New Appreciation for What You Have Accomplished
You might find it helpful to conduct a personal improvement review on yourself, something that you might want to do every quarter of the year, or as often as you desire. In addition, be sure to start and evolving achievements binder where you can capture all the goals that you think about as the New Year approaches. An evolving achievements binder is easy to manage, and it’s an inspiring way to keep yourself on track as the New Year progresses.
Start Setting Your Goals Now for 2012!
If you haven’t tried my goal setting and motivation program yet, be sure to book mark this page and come back to get started
Start Your New Year’s Resolutions for 2012 Today!
Are you getting ready to set your New Years resolutions for 2012? Why wait to begin working towards your goal in the New Year? I think people postpone out of fear that they will fail if they begin now, whereas if they begin in the New Year they believe that they are more likely to succeed.
The reality though, is that achieving a tough goal and making the necessary changes is something that is likely to require repeated efforts over time, especially if your goal involves breaking a habit. In 2002 the American Psychologist published an article titled, If At First You Don’t Succeed: False Hopes of Self-Change. In this article they state that when people are trying to quit a bad habit, they actually end up setting the same New Year’s resolution on average, ten times before they actually give up their bad habit! Click here to learn how to change your habits now!
Do you wonder why quitting a bad habit might require so many attempts? Part of the answer is that people fail to plan ahead, and to think about what will be needed to make the necessary changes needed to achieve their goals. For instance, if you are going to stop smoking, how will you do it? What resources or supports do you have in place? If you are going to start exercising, what plans do you have in place to make sure that you will be exercising when 2012 rolls around? Do you have a gym membership, a pair of comfortable running shoes and actual workout gear that you feel comfortable wearing?
A learning lesson is that, if you don’t prepare yourself before launching your goals and the necessary changes behind them, you are likely to fail, or to only succeed for a short period of time. This is why people continuously set the same New Year’s goal over and over again. The other piece that is required for success is actually learning by doing or taking action, and adjusting our efforts as is required.
Each time you try to quit a bad habit, you learn something about yourself. For instance, you learn about what worked or didn’t work. For this reason, you’re better off starting to pay attention to your new year’s resolutions now, so that you can get some practice in before the new year of 2012 rolls around. Hopefully with enough practice you’ll be well on your way to achieve your new year’s resolutions for 2012.
If you’re unsure about what New Year’s resolutions to set, then you can begin by trying my online goal setting and motivation program now.
Goal Setting Lessons from America’s Got Talent
How bad do you want your goal? Are you willing to take a risk with your talents like the gymnast from the Sandou Trio Russion Bar? Watching her last performance gave me chills all over my body – doing flips over nails and fire and her ability to stay composed were absolutely amazing! Now just to clarify I’m not saying anyone should risk their life to achieve their goals, but the point is, what risks are you willing to take in order to achieve your goals? Clearly, her performance had her outside of her comfort zone!
Also, can you take the heat? Achieving big goals means being fearless of others’ opinions. Think about the Squonk Opera group and the feedback they received from Pier. Do you think one man’s opinion shook them up? You have to develop rock solid confidence in order to pursue your big goals. If you don’t believe in yourself than who else will?
Thirdly, you’ve got to develop the skills behind your goals even if you’re already great. Don’t get too comfortable. Do you think the other great performers such as Anna Graceman, Snap Boogie and Dezmond Meeks rested on their natural gifts without constantly trying to improve them? I guarantee you they spend as many hours a day as possible perfecting their act. The same is true for us – why not spend as much time as possible honing our own life performance with respect to our big goals and talents?
Finally, and most obviously, you’ve got to have talent and passion combined! If you’re trying to decide which big goals to pursue, choose ones in which you have a gift already. The more skill there is behind your chosen goal the better. Also, choose to focus on those activities and goals that make you want to get up at five in the morning with passion! Without passion even the most skilled people don’t get that far. Passion is what ignites the spark, and keeps the your momentum going.
So, after watching America’s Got Talent tonight, ask yourself if you’re taking the appropriate risks, successfully withstanding others’ judgments, developing your skills continuously and pursuing those goals in which you have talent and passion behind them.
How to Increase Your Confidence
How to Increase Your Confidence
What is confidence and why is it important to women and their goal setting efforts? Confidence is the act of believing in yourself and knowing or trusting that you can accomplish whatever goals you set for yourself. Your confidence can increase or decrease depending on situations and various contexts that you find yourself in.
How to increase your confidence isn’t always an easy problem to solve. However, it is always a worthwhile pursuit to set a goal to increase your confidence, because it will compound your success with the rest of your goals. When you believe in yourself you are more likely to do whatever it takes to approach your goals with confidence. However, confidence takes work as well. Here are some of the best tips on how to increase your confidence – tips based on actual research!
1. Write down all your accomplishments in each area of your life – career, relationships, money, health and so on. Taking time to recognize your accomplishments will provide validation that you are an effective, productive, intelligent person capable of producing the results that you set out to achieve.
2. Celebrate any accomplishment that has personal meaning to you. For instance, let’s say that you’ve just bought your dream home. While you might be tired from all the time invested into the project and a bit short on money, it’s worth celebrating to reward yourself for your efforts. What if I don’t need rewards? Many people think celebrating is silly. By celebrating your success, you are owning your accomplishments and taking time to recognize and integrate those successes into your life. You are also giving yourself that pat on the back, and when you celebrate by doing something that is fun or enjoyable, you are providing a source of positive reinforcement for you brain, programming it to want to achieve even more.
3. Keep a warm and fuzzy file. This means keeping a list of all the great complements that other people have given to you. This could be accolades from coworkers or bosses, or it could simply validating comments that others have said to you and comments that simply make you feel good about who you are. When we like who we are (high self-esteem), this positive stance about ourselves is also likely to increase our confidence in ourselves and the goals that we set out to execute. Read this list when you are questioning your abilities, and I promise that almost every time it will bring you up a few notches in terms of your self-confidence.
4. Create a list of all your strengths and skills. The point in doing this is to make sure that you are maximizing your use of these strengths, and ensuring that you use these strengths as much as possible in your career and personal life. The more you rely on your strengths (activities or pursuits that you’re passionate about and good at) in your goal setting pursuits, career and personal life, the better the results you will experience, and the more quickly you will become successful. Also, people who tap into their strengths receive more positive feedback from others and promotions at work, which leads to increased confidence. When women pursue goals that are aligned with their strengths, they are more confident about what they are doing, they achieve better results and they enjoy the process. This means they are also more likely to invest more time into their goal setting pursuits. Increased confidence in one’s goal, along with hard work and great skills leads to excellent goal setting results!
5. Get in the habit of helping others. Once you know your passions and skills, why not utilize them to help others who don’t have that strength? What are your personal giveaways that you can get in the habit of offering others? Each time you lend a helping hand you increase your confidence because you are strengthening your skills even more. Also, the more people you help, the more positive feedback you receive on your performance and this in turn will boost your confidence. Another great benefit of helping others is that you will experience “helper’s high”, which means your brain will release endorphins that will make you feel good. When you’re feeling good about yourself and your life, you are that much more likely to work on your goals.
6. Conduct a Personal Performance Review regularly. Every quarter of the year, I suggest reviewing each area of your life for success and learning lessons with respect to your performance on your goals. This increases confidence in two ways. First, you can see your growth, and this boosts our confidence. Second, you can learn from your mistakes, and you can see all the efforts that you have put forth, which also increases confidence knowing that we are doing whatever it takes to turn our goals into a reality. You can read more about the personal performance review here.
7. Determine which of your personal qualities you and others like the most. What are the most important or valuable qualities about you? For instance, how do others describe you in a positive way? Do they think of you as witty, friendly or funny? By becoming aware of your key personal qualities you can’t help but feel good about yourself and confident at the same time. Try creating a list of your top 5 positive qualities. Post this list somewhere that you can read it every day.
8. Give yourself permission to feel like a million bucks! How on earth does this increase a person’s confidence? It’s very simple – when you allow yourself to partake in activities that you enjoy – you feel happy and positive, and this mindset will increase your confidence as you are pursuing your life goals. Don’t turn your goal setting efforts into a drudgerous chore. By taking time to enjoy the journey along the way, and to do things that make you feel good, you’ll keep yourself resilient during your goal setting efforts. For instance, for me – sometimes shopping can make me feel like a million bucks. Other times it’s allowing myself to splurge on a nice dinner with family and friends. Some days, it’s allowing myself to sit outside with a coffee to reflect on life. Think of this activity as something that will recharge your confidence batteries when you’re running on low.
9. Give yourself an image makeover. Studies have indicated that when women feel good about their personal appearance, they are more likely to have self-efficacy or self-confidence while pursuing their goals. It makes sense, because when we feel good about how we look and present ourselves to the world, we are more energized and motivated within. Try an experiment with it to see for yourself. Try going to work one day not feeling so good about your outfit or hair, and then try going to work another day making yourself look your absolute best. Notice a difference in your energy and confidence with respect to your productivity goals? If your image effects your self-confidence, be sure to read my article on how to overcome a negative self-image.
10. Take action, even if you don’t feel confident. Try the old ‘fake it until you make’ theory. Even if you’re not confident that you can do something, pretend that you are. Talk with confidence and act with confidence. See if this in turn increases your confidence. Also, each time that you take action with your goals, you become one step closer to achieving your goal. Taking baby steps will increase your confidence because you know that you are doing your best to move yourself forward. If motivation is an issue, be sure to read my blog on how to instantly motivate yourself.
11. Last but not least, be sure to constantly set goals. Set daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and long term goals. Create a checklist each evening for what you want to accomplish the next day. It works every time! When you know what you are striving toward, you have meaning and purpose which ultimately increases your confidence with each action step that you take toward those goals. Also, if you haven’t already, be sure to complete my goal setting and motivation program to get you started!
12. Be sure that you’re not doing things that subtract from making your goal setting a success. You can read about the dangers of goal setting here. Sometimes, we take our goal setting too far, and this can bring our self-confidence down and drain us of our goal setting excitement.
In sum, these are eleven ways that you can try to increase your confidence today. Experiment with them, and see what works for you. We’re also interested in your comments for what has worked for you personally.
Types of Negative Motivation Women Use
There are many different types of negative motivation. Negative motivation defined means, motivating one’s self by using the power of negative thinking. It involves focusing on something from a pessimistic viewpoint, with the intention of motivating a person to move away from their current situation or state. It is a powerful type of motivation when used in moderation.
When negative motivation is the only source of motivation that a woman draws on to get herself into action, then she can damage her self-esteem, confidence and pride.
Types of Negative Motivation:
1. Look at your current situation, lifestyle or problem, and ask yourself why you’re trying to move away from it. Whatever your goal is, ask yourself what’s wrong and bad if you don’t achieve this goal. This has also been termed as the “pain” exercise that Anthony Robbins popularized in the 90’s. Some women finally get motivated to achieve their goals, when they are fed up with something in their lives.
Along this notion, you might ask yourself some of the following negative motivation questions from my goal setting and motivation program.
Asking yourself these types of negative questions can be useful at the outset of embarking upon a new goal or project. It is a quick way to get motivated in the short term, but it is not the type of motivation that keeps women going in the long run.
2. Another type of negative motivation is extrinsic motivation, which can be defined as a type of motivation that is found external to one’s self. For example, some students are motivated to obtain good marks based on impressing a teacher or a parent. This type of motivation is short lived and doesn’t add much value to a person over the long run, but it is an excellent form of motivation in the beginning.
Think of shows such as The Biggest Loser or other contests that happen within your community. It’ a great way to get moving on something in the beginning. However, as time passes, people will need more compelling and meaningful sources of motivation.
Another example of extrinsic motivation for a woman would be choosing to have a family simply because society teaches women and men that that is what is expected of them. Other examples of extrinsic motivation could be doing something for the money. Taking a job in an environment that you don’t like, but doing it simply because the pay is excellent is another example of extrinsic motivation.
Extrinsic motivation comes in many forms:
- “Shoulds”
- Other peoples’ expectations
- Doing something for the money
- Trying to impress someone else
- Any other reward offered by someone else
- Comparing yourself to someone else and their achievements
- Doing something out of embarrassment, shame or fear
When have you used negative motivation to get you into action with something? For how long did it work? Did you eventually need to find more meaningful sources of motivation? Be aware of the fine line between negative motivation that helps, and negative motivation that has gone sour and is bringing you down. You may also be interested in reading my article on the Dangers of Goal Setting for Women
Goal Setting Examples
Goal Setting Examples – What 95% of People Don’t Do!
I am going to show you a few goal setting examples and then I will highlight one of the most important elements of goal setting that so many people neglect!
Do you know where 95% of most people trip when setting their goals? What do most unsuccessful people forget to do when they set their goals? They forget to write down their goals!
Not only do they forget to write down their goals, but they forget to chunk or break down their goals into a ‘doable’ action plan. Here is an example to get you started!
A Goal Setting Example
I am in the process of waking up with unstoppable energy every morning at 6am, and moving my body with passion for 1 hour a day, 5 days per week! (Deadline: May 1st)
Now it’s your turn to write down your goal! Choose the goal that you’ll focus on for the rest of our goal setting steps together!
Write Down Your Top Goal Now
If some of the points in my example don’t make complete sense to you, or you don’t agree with them, that is fine!
Here’s my motto – if it turns you on, keep it – if it turns you off –chuck it!
Here’s an important note to make however. Do you know why so many people never achieve their goals? What is it that 95% of people are forgetting to do?
Most people never achieve their deadline, because they fail to schedule a time line of the necessary action steps needed! Follow these goal setting examples closely.
You see, goal setting is so much more than just writing down a goal. People forget this. They write down goals thinking that they will magically start attracting success into their lives.
Wishful thinking won’t get you far. What makes a person’s wishes and dreams a reality, is being able to take action! Having said that, here are the steps to creating a time line:
1. Write a list of all the tasks or mini-steps that need to be taken to achieve your goal. What you are doing is breaking your goal down into manageable chunks.
2. Review each of these steps and decide upon the most effective order in which to complete these steps.
3. Write a deadline or date beside each step and commit yourself to completing that action by that date.
Important Tip!
Do you know what the whole point of doing this exercise is for? Do you really get it?
The point or purpose of scheduling, time lines, and deadlines is for 1 reason only – and that is to get you to take consistent action!
So, having said that, if there are some parts or steps you don’t like, leave them out – just make sure your strategy is getting you into action!
Timeline for Goal Setting Example
Step 1. Brainstorm and break the goal down into mini tasks.
Using my goal setting example above, make a list of every single task you will need to complete in order to achieve your goal. Don’t worry about the order of it just yet! Write down any necessary steps that comes to your mind!
Step 2. Now, go back to your list, and rank or organize your tasks in the order of how you would like to complete the tasks. Simply put your numbers along the left hand side of the margin.
Ok, did you complete step 2 above? If you didn’t, then why are you reading this? Go back and do it now!
Step 3. Re-write your list in sequential order based on how you ranked your steps. Next, write down a deadline beside each step, for when you would like to complete the action by. Go for it!
And there you have your execution plan!
Now, here’s the funny thing about these sorts of timelines, deadlines and action plans…
You will almost never follow your scheduled timeline or action plan the way you originally envisioned it to be.
Why is this you ask? Well, each time you take an action, you learn new things, and receive feedback on the course of your path. You gain new insights along the way to achieving your goals, and therefore you discover new action plans!
So, you will always be adjusting your timelines and action plans. They are never meant to be set in stone, but rather to act as guidelines that keep you clear on where you are heading next.
After having read through my goal setting examples, are you going to choose to be like the masses, – the 95% of people who will never reach their goals, or, are you going to choose something different for yourself, such as success?
Hmmm…it’s a touch decision. Very few people can be different than the rest. Will you?
Also, very few people ever take their goal setting steps further than where we have just left off. That is a very bad mistake! All of the goal steps we have covered so far, are the easiest parts of the whole process (except the action plan of course!).
Aside from this action plan, all of my goal setting examples and principles I’ve shown you so far, are what most people do without a problem. Are you ready to discover the next steps that will literally transform your level of motivation?
Dangers of Goal Setting for Women
How do you know if you have experienced and fallen prey to any of the dangers of goal setting? As an ambitious and busy woman, I have no doubt that you’ve fallen into a few of the following goal setting traps at one point or another. Here are some of the goal setting pitfalls to watch out for.
1. The Achievement Addiction
Have your goal setting efforts turned into an achievement addiction? Are you pursuing and working on your goals 24/7, without taking a break? The danger here is that you end up avoiding other important parts of your life including your health, relationships or leisure time. One danger of goal setting for women is when they cut themselves off from the people whom they are closet with. Women’s healthy relationships are a key element of their positive identity, and when they start isolating themselves from others for prolonged periods of times, they can feel depressed or irritable, or as though something is lacking in their lives.
2. Spiritual Starvation
Another danger of goal setting is that if you go overboard with achieving your goals, then you can experience a sense of spiritual void or starvation, or a sense of emptiness or loss of meaning and purpose in your life. This is interesting because isn’t goal setting supposed to be about increasing meaning and purpose in our lives? If you are filling every last minute and hour of your days or weeks with achieving your goals, and you’re feeling as though something is missing, then you should double check how much down time you’re giving to yourself.
3. Identity Confusion
One pitfall of goal setting gone too far is that women begin to base their identity on the results they are achieving through their goals. All women have goals that they are really serious about, and when something interferes or blocks the achievement of those goals, they are at risk for feeling down, ill, or unhappy. For example, a woman who’s goal is to have children, but cannot meet a partner or who cannot physically have children may suffer when her sole identity has been built on this picture of herself building a family. Likewise, the woman who invested her entire life only into her relationship with her partner and not her career can suffer when she experiences the transition of going through a divorce. The key is to have goals in various areas of our lives that we focus on – not just one area of our lives.
4. Goal Setting Failure
When we repeatedly try to achieve a goal or various goals, and we fail to reach those goals we are at risk for experiencing “failure”. This in turn can lead to a drastic drop in our self-confidence, or even our self-esteem (how much we like ourselves). Be aware of this goal setting pitfall. Have you noticed a difference in how you feel about yourself just because you haven’t achieved a goal that was important to you? If so, perhaps you should check how realistic your goal is. Are you expecting your goal to be achieved in too short of a time line? Do you have the right team of people in place? Are you basing your identity, pride, happiness and life satisfaction on the achievement of this goal? If so, you’re making a mistake, because there is always a chance that we might not achieve some of our goals. Remember, goals are meant to enhance our lives and our happiness, not detract from it.
5. Goal Setting Idolatry
Another drawback to goal setting is that sometimes we pursue a goal for the sake of the goal itself (idolatry), when in actuality that goal might not be important to us or congruent with our life values. For instance, sometimes a person sets a goal of making a certain amount of money, and you see them pursuing all these random business ideas that are not even aligned with who they are. I fell prey to this goal setting trap before. I wanted to make a lot of money and I had chosen real estate as the primary channel to pursue this goal. While there is nothing wrong with this, it eventually began to feel meaningless, and as if I was chasing an end result. While there was nothing wrong with my goal to make a lot of money, the means by which I was pursuing this goal wasn’t the most ideal. Another example of this would be a person who sets a goal to run 5k every day. If you ask them why they’re doing that, they might respond by telling you that their goal is to lose 10 pounds. But what if they get a knee injury? You might see them continue to run each day because they are so committed to losing those 10 pounds. However, if they were smart they would change their approach to achieving their weight loss goal. They are getting the ‘means’ of achieving their goal confused with the result that they are after. Stay attached to your outcome and the result that you are seeking, but be flexible in the means, approach or the ‘how’ behind your goal. Don’t just pursue a goal for its own sake. Ask yourself, “Why am I pursuing this goal?” “Is this goal still meaningful?” “Is there a better way to achieve this goal”?
6. The Goal Setting Marathon Lifestyle
After too marathoning on our goals for too long without taking a break, we are prone to goal setting burnout and stress. All big goals are likely to give us some stress, or even a lot of stress for short periods of time but if your experience of stress becomes prolonged over too many weeks, months or years, then your physical and psychological health is going to be in trouble. When was the last time you de-stressed and took a break from all your goals? I know I’m guilty of not taking breaks myself, and sometimes I pay the price. If you don’t keep your goal setting efforts in check then you will eventually feel as though you are exploiting your mind, energy and time. So, avoid the goal setting marathon way of living. It’s not healthy!
7. Overly Ambitious Approach
Are you setting too many goals and trying to achieve them all at once? While I’m all for capturing your many dreams and goals on paper, I’m not a big fan of trying to achieve them all at once. Some women go bonkers with trying to do, be and achieve everything all at once. What kind of lifestyle is that, and how are you supposed to enjoy yourself? Watch out for this goal setting trap.
These are some of the dangers of goal setting. Be aware of these goal setting pitfalls and traps so that you can take preventative measures to ensure that goal setting enhances your quality of life as opposed to decreasing it. For more resources and theory of goal setting click here.
How Do We Change our Limiting Beliefs?
How do we change our limiting beliefs?
1. Examine the state of your life right now. Where do you feel blocked with respect to your goals? What is stagnant? What isn’t working for you? Which results and goals are you having the most difficulty achieving? Here is one example, “My goal is to go on a warm tropical vacation, but I can’t seem to allow myself to do it.
2. In order to change our limiting beliefs, we must define our problem and what the block is in one or two sentences. Be as specific as possible. For example, “I can’t go on a tropical vacation every year because I simply don’t feel that I have the money in my budget!”
3. Write down how this limiting belief or problematic way of thinking is helping you in your life. How does it support and protect you? To continue the above example, “This belief protects me from spending money foolishly, and it prevents me from going broke” Examine this statement further though. Is going on one vacation really foolish spending? Is it really going to make you broke? Your goal is to question your limiting belief, its validity, and how supportive it really is.
4. Next, how is this limiting belief preventing you from achieving your goal? How is this limiting belief actually holding you back? In order to change our limiting beliefs, we must notice that while our form of thinking is an attempt to protect ourselves, it is also a form of thinking that is blocking us from achieving our goals. Here’s an example: “By holding onto the belief that spending money on a vacation is foolish, I’m excusing myself from being able to have what I want. Despite the reality that it might break my budget a bit, thinking this way blocks me from taking any action or examining any potential solutions that could help me achieve my goal.”
5. To change our limiting beliefs we must brainstorm solutions to overcoming our limiting ways of thinking. Learn to ask yourself more empowering questions. “How can I find a way to go on my vacation without breaking my budget?” Then, create a list of ways that you might do this. For example:
- Stop buying daily coffees and cut back on groceries by $20 every week for 6 months, to save enough money for my vacation. Put the remaining bill on my line of credit, and create a budget to pay it back with.
- Shop around for deals for vacations. Maybe they don’t cost as much as I thought they would.
- Can I go for a 4 day vacation instead of a full week? What difference will this make?
- Can I borrow money from a relative?
- Can I pick up a few extra shifts at work to make up for the difference of what money I need?
- What other creative ways could I temporarily earn more money to cover the cost of this trip?
When you learn to ask yourself good questions about how you can actually reach your goal, you’ll start to see the possibilities for how you can break out of your limiting belief. By simply repeating your limiting belief through self-talk, it doesn’t help you get past your reality that you are on a tight budget.
Just because something is your reality, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a limiting belief. Limiting beliefs are what create the realities that we are trying to escape from. Thus, we must monitor our beliefs closely in those areas of our lives in which we are experiencing results that are less than satisfactory.
Also, ask yourself why you want your goal? For example, “Why do I want this vacation so badly?” When you can create a strong enough “why” behind your goal, you will be more motivated to identify and change your limiting belief systems.
What are some of your habits that need to be changed in order to support this new way of thinking? Be sure to focus on changing habits to support your goal as well.
Finally, if you’re unsure of whether or not your belief is limiting you, ask yourself how well your belief supports your life vision?
These are just a few ideas of how we can recognize and change our limiting beliefs. I would suggest going back to the basics if you haven’t already, and completing the goal setting and motivation program which helps you align what you want with the right beliefs and behaviours.
Good luck!